Moped Mike

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I think we can all agree that promising to share your life with another person is a big decision. I came very close to doing just that with someone that I’d known less than 6 months.


Making this commitment on such little time was very out of character for my type A, super organized, over-planning self but (among 1,000 other reasons) I was tired of dating and ready to settle down.


Or so I thought..


As the months passed since my promise, I began to realize that there was another side to this person that I had never seen. To make a long, sad, emotional story short I decided to move on.


After sitting on the sidelines for almost a year, I decided it was time to “get back in the game”. Only this time, I realized it was necessary to re-evaluate my type. Of course, like everyone else, I had a few basic criteria: motivated, passionate and kind. My goal was to keep an open mind.


Not far into this new venture, I met Moped Mike. That’s when I realized the list needed some tweaking…

Moped Mike

I found Mike to be “boy next door” cute. He was athletic and coached a high school baseball team. Something about him reminded me of my 8th grade boyfriend (who also happened to be my first love).  I (very rationally) tied all of those old high school sweetheart feelings to him. That’s the only way I can justify the many important things I missed along the way..

Mike lived at home. Normally, that would be a red flag. However, he was in school getting his Master`s to become a teacher and was therefore trying to save money. So I let that one go.

On our first date we met for a cup of coffee (normal). Then, he suggested we meet at a local park so I could bring my dog (bonus points!). After getting to know him (and determining I didn’t think he was a murderer or stalker) I invited him to my place. We started spending a lot of time at my place. For two reasons:

1. I didn’t want to hangout on his parent’s couch

2. I work long days and liked to be home with my dog (who spends a lot of time in the crate)

Red Flag #1

A few weeks passed and Mike told me that he dropped his classes for the semester (only 2) because he had too much going on. Now I know classes can be demanding, but please keep in mind he literally had nothing else going on (his mom made all of his meals, cleaned and did his laundry!).

Red Flag #2

He started staying at my place…ALL day. At first, he would hang around in the morning and do some school work so my dog wasn’t alone. That slowly turned into hanging out, watching movies and eating all my groceries (which he never contributed to).

3 strikes and you’re out!

I’m a homebody. I prefer staying in, trying new recipes and watching movies. On occasion, I do like to get dressed up and go out. One night I suggested that we go somewhere nice. Knowing that I’d probably have a few glasses of wine, I asked him to drive. This is when I found out that he had not 1, not 2, but 3 DUIs. He had been driving a moped to my house, which I never saw because visitor parking is pretty far away. This is also why he always suggested that we meet places, hangout at my place, or bring my dog …so that I would drive.

Turns out he would not be able to drive for a few more years! We are talking mid 30’s, people!

When he realized the breakup was inevitable he said, “My parent’s and I decided that you’re not good for me. This isn’t going to work.”

Apparently living on your own and having a job (not to mention no DUIs) just wasn’t going to cut it in that family…

Note to self: Revise dating criteria. ASAP.

Revised Criteria:

Motivated, passionate, kind, career/full time school, not living with parents, must have car



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